An astounding amount of time, effort and angry fingering is spent every day commenting on things with which people disagree, whether on websites, social media, blogs or other forums. Caps lock buttons all over Britain are buckling under the strain. In an effort to free #hardworkingpeople and unleash a wave of entrepreneurship and economic growth, I have attempted to codify some of the more typical responses. This will allow #hardworkingpeople to simply type, for instance, "A3 and B1" and get back to #hardworkingpeople activities. The focus, for the purposes of this project, is one of right-leaning commenters on left-leaning positions, but I think you will find that all response groupings can be adjusted to work the other way around, with very little #hardwork.A. Responses about 'your lot'A1. Your lot would do exactly the same.A2. Your lot would do something much, much worse.A3. Your lot wouldn't even do anything.A4. Your lot did, in fact, start it.A5. Meet sexy girls in your area.In fact, there is no indication anywhere in the thing giving rise to the response that the author has a particular "lot", or any praise for policies of a previous "lot" or any assessment of proposed policies of a prospective "lot". Responses about "your lot" effectively reject the idea that the policies of the people currently in charge merit any closer scrutiny than policies that are a matter of historical record or proposed policies of those merely bidding to be in charge at some point in the future. May optionally include the phrases "hell in a handcart" or, on this website, "typical Grauniad".B. This is not the piece I wanted to readB1. I see you conveniently neglected to mention X.B2. I admire you normally, but this is beneath you. You should be worrying about Y.B3. I would rather someone else had said this, because I hate you.B4. This is nothing new/Why is this news?B5. Make $$$ from home.Clicking on the commenter's profile may reveal that they want every piece to include X or Y. In fact, incorporating X or Y, as they are almost always entirely unrelated to the piece, would be convoluted and add 3,000 words to any piece, causing my editor to beat me about the face with her hardback copy of the Guardian's Style Guide, before making me copy a thousand lines of "I will never again submit a novelette as a comment piece". I suspect B2 will be particularly popular as a response to this piece.C. The personal approachC1. Come and have a look at my high street.C2. You are an elitist fact-slinger. Come and have a look at my high street.C3. You clearly do not understand this or anything else ever. You should apologise and come and look at my high street.C4. I don't know if you are intentionally misrepresenting this or just stupid.C5. Why should I listen to a failed [insert random fact from author's short biography]?C6. You are a liar. Come and have a look at my high street or, as I call it, "Poland".C7. Siding with the terrorists. AGAIN.C8. Meet sexy girls in your area.It is often clear in this category of comment or tweet that only the title of the piece has in fact been read. Such responses may be in capitals and frequently end with "WAKE UP SHEEPLE", "FACT" or "END OF". The commenter could well call you "mate" and comment on either your salary, the juxtaposition of your politics and your taste for sparkling wine from a particular French region, your high horse and possibly your ivory tower. I am always on the lookout for that elusive high street that perfectly represents all of the UK in every respect, so keep your suggestions coming.D. I look at this as a promotional opportunityD1. An OK piece, but my blog is better. (with broken link)D2. Here is a short erotic story I wrote about this.D3. Here is a cat with Nutella all over its face.D4. Here is a short erotic story I wrote about a cat with Nutella all over its face.D5. Make $$$ from home.You might want to save time by simply typing: "This comment has been removed by the moderator as it contravenes community standards".E. The false dichotomyE1. Why don't you move to North Korea?E2. Why don't you move to France?E3. Why don't you move to Cuba?E4. Tony Blair is a war criminal.E5. Tony Bliar is a war criminal.E6. In the real world [insert thing only applicable to small English town].E7. FINE THEN. BRING BACK STALIN.E8. Meet sexy girls in your area.I hope you find this useful and it saves you time.(theguardian.com)ANN.Az