First, the president needs to dissolve the Milli Maclis (parliament). We do not care what the West is going to say. There is no need for parliament in a presidential republic. Azerbaijan definitely doesn’t need one given the current circumstances and the lawmakers it has. 

The president should carry on cutting municipalities. We have district executive authorities. There is no need for duplication. Municipalities are not doing anything useful. The same goes for the executive authorities. 

If we eliminate parliament and municipalities, we will no longer need the Central Electoral Commission (CEC).  

- What? I can’t hear you. Who’s going to hold presidential elections then? 

- Who said that? You? Shut down the computer and get out of here. Think carefully and never ever make a mistake like that.

- We do not need a CEC…

The State Committee for Work with Diaspora: Why do we need it? We do not have any proper diaspora organization. There is no coordination among them. Every year, guys from the committee visit countries to meet members of the diaspora. In fact, they spend time trying to reconcile disputing diaspora groups. But we have to acknowledge that uniting Azerbaijanis with big ambitions is a task as difficult as turning them into vegetarians. In fact, the latter would probably be an easier task. In other words, if the state diaspora committee is abolished, no one is going to feel its absence.   

What else? The State Committee for Work with Religious Structures; I think Muslims, Jews, Christians, Buddhists and others are getting along well with their God without interference by the committee. Guys at the Ministry of National Security are keeping an eye on them anyway. So, let’s keep the Ministry of National Security.

We should also merge the Ministry of Defense and the Ministry of the Defense Industry, cutting jobs. 

The same can be done with the state migration and border services. All migrants go through border checkpoints anyway…  

The Ministry of Taxes needs to be eliminated and merged with ASAN Service. Only a small tax department can be kept to collect taxes. 

The same goes for the State Customs Committee. It should also be merged with ASAN and undergo serious cuts. 

 If we lift monopolies in all areas, we will no longer need the state anti-monopoly committee. Should someone dare behave like a monopolist, guys at the Ministry of National Security will take care of them.

The Ministry of Health also needs to go. A few departments can be kept to oversee pharmacies and the remaining state hospitals and polyclinics. The same departments can be merged with ASAN.  

ASAN can also take over the State Statistics Committee. 

The State Committee for Work with Refugees and Internally Displaced People needs to be abolished as we no longer need it. The committee is of little use to refugees. 

The State Committee for City Building and Architecture; why do we need it? There is no general plan of Baku. Business people erect high-rise buildings, restaurants and even car washes wherever they want to. 

 

The Ministry of Emergencies; Definitely worth keeping. We are hearing that the ministry is doing a good job and taking care of people. Therefore, we should not only keep the ministry but also expand it by incorporating the State Maritime Administration, the State Committee for Family, Women and Children and the Ministry of Education.

Why the Ministry of Education? Given the current state of the family institution and education in Azerbaijan, they both are in an emergency situation. 

What else do we have there? 

The Ministry of Finance needs to be merged with the Ministry of Economic Development.

The Ministry of Justice needs to be abolished; law is not respected in this country anyway. 

The Ministry of Agriculture can be merged with the Ministry of Environment.

The Ministry of Transportation needs to be closed down, all of its employees sacked and building razed to the ground. 

I will keep mum on the department for intellectual management of transportation. The guys at the department can only write a textbook on how to embezzle millions of manats and get away with it.

The Ministry of Youth and Sport needs to be merged with the Ministry of Culture and Tourism. Do you know why? It would simply be a fun to have a ministry with four words in its name.   

Labor unions need to be abolished together with their confederation. We do not need them. 

Why would we need the State Social Protection Fund if we have the Ministry of Labor and Social Protection? These two definitely need to be merged. If the government stops paying pensions (like in China, for instance, where no one is dying because of that), the Social Protection Fund should be abolished altogether. 

The Ministry of Energy needs to be merged with SOCAR as they duplicate each other.

 The Ministry of High Technologies should also be closed down. We launched a satellite, didn’t we? That means the mission has been accomplished. The satellite will continue flying in orbit without the ministry. Mobile operators and internet providers are running their own affairs anyway. 

The copyright agency needs to be closed down. This free nation does not recognize any copyrights. It never will. 

I almost forgot it; let’s merge AzTV and ITV (public TV).

AzTV Madaniyyat (Culture) can also be merged with AzTV Sport. We have neither sport nor show business in this country. 

And yes, Allahsukur Pasazada, head of the Board of Muslims of the Caucasus, needs to take over the Baku Metro. It would be really fun to have the interior of largest metro in the Caucasus region decorated with gold and provided with dazzling illumination.

Given the frequent failures of the past few months, it would be reasonable to "equip" each wagon with a mullah.

P.S. I acknowledge that I have nothing to propose on the State Securities Committee. I simply have no idea what the guys there are doing.