Why the Ballon d'Or is a waste of time

To me, non-quantifiable individual awards in football only indicate a fundamental misunderstanding of the concept of team sports. Not that any of this used to bother me. Everyone loves an award ceremony. There's usually a free bar, and there's nothing inherently wrong with a great big vote. It's only wrong when you convince yourself that it actually means anything.

The sound of Cristiano Ronaldo honking into the microphone in Zurich was confusing for two reasons. Firstly, who honks? Secondly, he was essentially celebrating an electoral success, and one that relied upon the entirely subjective judgements of a small, self-interested selection of voters. Ronaldo has won two Champions Leagues, three Premier Leagues and a La Liga title. If anyone should know by now what the real prizes look like in football, it's him.

You can't win those prizes on your own; that's why they're so sought after. You can only win titles by being part of a team and using your skills to complement the skills of others. By following a wider plan designed to bring success to all, even if the section of that plan most relevant to you is "do what you want, mate, we'll stay back and do all the defending for you."

If hero worship and individualism is what matters to you, and if you're such a fanboy you'll support any team that the object of your affection represents, then perhaps you should turn your attention to tennis or golf. There are wonderful individuals in football, but none of them can win trophies on their own. Even Messi would struggle to win the Champions League in a Southend United shirt. Though as a Southend United fan, I can say that this would be a social experiment we'd be happy to host.

But beyond all of that, there's a larger problem here we all ignore: how can anyone look at Ronaldo and Lionel Messi and say that one of them is the "best" player?

My cat could tell you that they're both incredible footballers. She might also add that they're not simply the best players in the world, but probably the best ever. But choosing between them? How would you even start? Are they more or less likely to win individually if their team has won something? Are we punishing them or promoting them for the weaknesses of their teammates?

Unless you pick a tangible measuring device like goals, this is a fool's errand.

The preposterousness of the whole enterprise was encapsulated by the appearance of Manuel Neuer as the third finalist for the big award. The man is a goalkeeper. It's an entirely different role, an entirely different skill set. It's like taking two brilliant architects and an amazing accountant and then choosing the best employee.

And don't even get me started on the sudden rash of voices claiming that Neuer deserved special mention for "revolutionising" the goalkeeper position by coming out of the box. Bruce Grobbelaar was doing that in the 1980s, and Toni Schumacher did it to Patrick Battiston with devastatingly painful after-effects in the 1982 World Cup. The term "sweeper keeper" has been in use for almost 50 years. Yes, Neuer came off his line a few times against Algeria and yes, he's a brilliant goalkeeper, but this was hardly akin to the birth of the Fosbury Flop.

(espnfc.com)